2019 in review

Or please go away, 2019.

I looked at last year’s posts and realized I never did a year in review post. I’m not sure why, but I never even posted anything in December last year.

But now we’re nearly done with 2019. Thank God, good riddance and good bye. So I’m answering the questions I’ve (mostly) answered over the last few years.

What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? 

• I can’t bury the lead on this one—I got a second primary cancer. I’ve blogged about it a lot this year, so I won’t rehash the diagnosis, surgery, treatment and so on.
• I also finished treatment for my broken pelvis and used my bone growth stimulator 243 days this year.
• I also amazingly won my age group for two 10k races this year—after breast cancer surgery and radiation treatments. Those two races were part of a series of three 10K races, and I ended up winning my age group for that challenge.

Did anyone close to you give birth? 

Not this year—stay tuned for late January when Jordan and his wife Amanda are expecting their first child, a girl, whom they are naming Grace Elizabeth. I'm incredibly honored that she shares a name with me and I can't wait to meet her.

Did anyone close to you die? No.

Did you suffer illness or injury? 

Yes, in addition to the breast cancer and the broken pelvis recovery (which took a lot of time), I was also diagnosed with osteopenia and I’ve got little benign tumors on my kidney. Oh and a tiny pleural effusion on my left lung.

What countries did you visit? 

Sadly, and again this year, none. We did take a wonderful trip to Key West in February, Biloxi MS in October, and did some family traveling too. The highlight of the family traveling was our reunion in Stanley Idaho the first week of July. And I’m still so thankful that Ben and Jen graciously host us at Thanksgiving.

What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? 

No cancer diagnosis. Two's plenty. Enough already.

What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 

They are nearly all cancer-related: April 9 (diagnosis), May 6 (surgery), June 28 (last day of radiation), June 29 (Chloe died). I have a slew of dates from this fall, but you get the idea.
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What was your biggest achievement of the year? 

I was absolutely determined to continue running this year as I recovered from my broken pelvis and then dealt with surgery and radiation. I vowed I would run all throughout radiation treatments, all 20 of them, and I did. It was really hard, and unless you’ve had radiation, I don’t know that words convey the exhaustion and fatigue but I did it.

What was the best thing you bought? 

We got a new Ninja coffee maker and I am in love. BUT I also love the changes to the yard, the new carpet in the bedrooms and the new windows. Oh and my new car.

Where did most of your money go? 

Oh gosh, well yes I spent a lot on medical bills (although thankfully I have good insurance) but honestly we spent a lot almost as a way of saying we are going to live fully. 

For example, once I knew my cancer hadn’t metastasized, I traded in my Volvo C30 for a V60 Cross Country. 

Then finding bras that didn’t hurt after surgery was expensive, then finding bras to fit my new reality (things are different in the chest area) meant more money, etc. etc. etc.

We also wrote a lot of checks to fix things around the house: massive yard clean up, including removing 10 trees (we still have a shady yard), we had new windows installed in the bedrooms to match the windows installed in 2006, and we put in new carpet in the master and second bedrooms (third bedroom has original wood floors, the other two bedrooms never did).

So yes, the spending was all about enjoying life right this minute.

What did you get really excited about? 

I don’t actually have a good answer for this one. I have things I am looking forward to (Grace Elizabeth!). But I don’t know that I got really excited about anything this year. 

Even something like the end of radiation treatments became sadness because we had to put my old girl Chloe down the very next day. I never felt happy or relieved to be at the end of radiation, I only felt grief and sorrow over losing my kitty.

It’s been a really hard year, maybe the hardest of my life. The accumulation of stress overwhelmed a lot of my good coping mechanisms just as I lost one of my best ones (running). As my psychologist said a couple of weeks ago, the work I did 20 years ago was sufficient for the normal wear and tear of my life. 

But in 2016 Kent lost his job, in 2017 I was diagnosed with melanoma, in 2018 I fractured my pelvis and this year has been more cancer, and more invasive procedures, with side effects and complications I'm still dealing with. So it's no surprise that my PTSD came roaring back.

On Christmas Day, I sat in church as we read the prayers for the people. There’s a section where we pray this:

For the sick and the suffering, let us pray to the Lord.

I realized oh hey that’s me this year and teared up.

What book(s) did you love this year? 

I have been an indiscriminate reader (escapism at its finest) and devoured all sorts of fiction. I enjoyed Anne Bishop’s The Others series, and right now I’m reading some of Laini Taylor’s works. There's nothing like an alternate universe to escape this one for a hile.

What song will always remind you of 2019? I can't think of one song so here’s a link to a playlist of mine on Spotify. I listened to this one a lot.