Right this second

One cat is snoring on the bed on the left side of my desk, one cat is curled up in the bed on the right side of my desk. And Wally is holding my hand.

When did this happen?

You know how when you go to a new medical provider, you have to fill out a bazillion forms that ask all about your health from the very second you took your first breath up till now? And list all your medications, and surgeries? All of that makes sense to me—sure, I grumble because my handwriting sucks and I get hand cramps writing all that stuff down but I realize it’s necessary for the new medical provider to get a full picture of me and my health.

But in the last couple of years, I’ve noticed an increase in what I’ll call touchy-feely questions. Take these, for example, from a couple of the forms I need to complete prior to see someone who specializes in vertigo (along with my commentary in italics):

A form about hearing

• Does your hearing cause you to feel embarrassed when you meet new people? This is the very first question on a form about hearing. That just blows my mind, that potential embarrassment would be the first question on the list. 
• Do you have difficulty hearing or understanding co-workers, clients or customers? Now this question makes sense—but why is it the third question on this form? 

A form about tinnitus—first, a couple that make sense to me:

• My tinnitus has led me to avoid noisy situations
• My tinnitus has led me to avoid social situations

And a couple that absolutely don't:

• My tinnitus has made me unhappy. Snort.
• My tinnitus has led me to cry. Seriously??

Instead of listing the rest of the feeling statements about tinnitus, here’s a list of the feeling words that are covered:

1. Annoyed
2. Depressed
3. Angry
4. Irritable 
5. Confused
6. Helpless
7. Distressed
8. Hopeless about the future
9. Panicky
10. Tormented
11. Despair

Others that I haven't copied sound like leading questions to me (i.e. to get me to buy some device or a treatment that might not be covered by insurance). Overall, this just feels a little scammy to me, similar to the stereotypical used car salesman. Yes, I want to find out what’s going on. No, I don’t want my medical provider to go all emo on me or try to upsell me on things I don’t want, probably don’t need and could well be not all that helpful.

I mean, really. Couldn't these forms just ask if this condition has negatively affected my life? Am I so stupid I need eleven separate questions asking me what I've just said in one?

Have you noticed this too? If you have, does it bother you? Or am I just a cold, unfeeling brick?

2014 in review

I’m a day late in getting my review of 2014 written and posted, but that’s OK. One of the lessons for me this year was to relax and follow Kent’s leaf-on-a-stream approach a little more in life. It’s all well and good to be disciplined and get stuff done, but it’s equally important to enjoy the trip.

Using mostly the same questions I’ve used in previous year end reviews, here’s my take on 2014.

What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before? I didn’t spaz out after quitting my job in December 2013. In fact, I seem to be doing just fine on the job front, which has helped a ton with me relaxing.

Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes – more of our dear Boston friends had or are going to have babies. That’s the stage of life they are in and I expect we’ll see a few more babies from that group.

Did anyone close to you die? No one close to me has died; all’s quiet on that front.

What countries did you visit? Mexico, England, and Germany. We didn’t take as many Crazy Trips™ this year, mostly because I’m working as an external consultant and if I don’t work, I don’t get paid.

What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014? Well, I’d love to have this low frequency hearing loss magically resolve, but that’s not likely to happen.

What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Again, this wasn’t a dramatic OMG kind of year, so here are some highlights not covered by other questions:

• I was diagnosed with moderate low frequency hearing loss (reverse slope). Looking back, it’s clear I’ve had this hearing loss for a long time; without realizing I do it, I’ve accommodated it for years. 
• This was a rather solitary year for me because K was out of the country every other week beginning the first of July. While I dislike him being gone like that, he’s really good at his job and enjoys the work he does and of course it’s always a plus to remain gainfully employed.
• I injured my piroformis and had some shoulder issues due to overly tight muscles, so I’ve been in rehab for several months. It’s slow going and has meant no running, which is horrible for me. I’m diligent and disciplined about the rehab exercises and hope this all gets resolved sooner rather than later. 

What was your biggest achievement of the year? This will sound like bragging, but teaching my granddaughter to sew tops the list. I was so afraid I would get impatient and then she'd hate sewing and me but we had a great time.

Did you suffer illness or injury? Sadly, yes I did with the butt muscle and the shoulder issue. I haven’t really been sick, but I’ve had several bouts of awful vertigo, the kind that makes me puke for hours.

What was the best thing you bought? We made the switch to messenger style bags for traveling, which has been wonderful. Since they are squishy, they will fit into any overhead bin. That suits our travel style perfectly.

Whose behavior merited celebration? I’ll go ahead and sound arrogant—this year, it’s my behavior that deserves the celebration. In addition to emulating Kent’s more mellow nature, I have also aimed higher in my job aspirations. Typically women do not apply for jobs that might be a stretch in terms of qualifications or amount of experience. Last month, I’ve done something most men would do without a second thought and applied for the higher position of two similar jobs (one is an analyst role, and the other, higher level role is consultant). My experience doesn’t exactly match what’s required for the higher level job but I definitely exceed the lower level job. As someone I know often says, a closed mouth doesn’t get fed.

Where did most of your money go? Travel and fabric again. Also dinners out at Story (pricey but oh so good).

What did you get really excited about? Last year’s trip to Cancun was just what we needed, when we needed it. We hope to go again this winter.

What song will always remind you of 2014? Definitely this one (and all the related parodies of it):

What problem are you trying to solve?

One of the first questions I ask clients is the title question: What problem are you trying to solve? So many times, they haven’t thought it all the way through so just by asking, we can get a better understanding of the situation. Of course I follow up with a lot of other questions too, but those aren’t the point of this blog post.

See, I wear PJs to bed—not nightgowns or long shirts, but PJs with pants-like bottoms. Except the legs always get twisted and ride up and generally are a pain in the ass leg. To date, all I’ve done is look for better PJs but haven’t solved the problem of the bunchy legs.

The other day at work, someone mentioned that she wears leggings to bed, ones that are like long johns, and I realized those could solve my problem of bunched up bottoms. Today, while out running a quick errand over lunch, I found these Cuddl Dud bottoms. I promise I won’t wear them out in public but I do think they’ll do really well for me at night, with no bunchy legs.

No pain!

You guys! After nearly six months of headaches, and two rounds of antibiotics, and way more Musinex than I ever thought a person could take, I have no headache today. This is huge, amazing and wonderful progress. I think I am finally free of a sinus infection I never quite realized I had.

Better living through pharmaceuticals, I say!

It could have been me (and very nearly was)

This morning, I stopped by the store on my way to physical therapy. I needed some razors and toothpaste and Walmart was on my way to the PT office. I picked up my items and headed to the checkout line. There was a woman being checked out and a man in front of me so I wouldn’t have too long to wait or so I thought. But there was a problem with the woman’s order. We waited, there was conversation, we waited, some people went off to the one other line open at that time of day, we waited, the customer service woman came over and then much discussion occurred.

I finally realized that the woman trying to check out was paying with food stamps or whatever they’re called today, only one of her items didn’t qualify and neither the cashier nor the customer service woman could figure out what it was. People were getting impatient, the customer was clearly uncomfortable and I realized so was I but not because of her.

You see, years ago when my ex and I first returned to the States with two small children and no jobs, we’d had to go on food stamps. It was a necessity but completely humiliating and eye opening to me. I can remember like it was yesterday being the one at the grocery store checkout line, getting my order rung up. I was in nice clothing because I’d just had a job interview, and I had to pay for my non-food items with a $100 bill—the only cash to our names and it had been given to us by a family member. The judgment from the other people in line and the cashier was obvious and complete. I couldn’t wait to get out of that place.

Then fast forward shortly after my divorce was final—I had no job, no money and a lot of debt. I tried then to get on food stamps or some sort of assistance but was denied because I owned a four year old car. I knew if I sold the car. I would have money for a little while but then I’d be trapped with no way to get to any work I would be able to find. That was, no joke, a very dark time for me.

So this morning I could feel tears just under the surface as I watched the scene play out. I asked the cashier how much was owed, and it was under $5, a small amount to me today. I handed over my credit card and told the customer that I’d been in her shoes and I knew it was a hard place she was in.

I’m not sharing this to say wow I’m sure a great person. I’m sharing it because it’s so easy to judge others. I have nothing in common with that woman today, but I do know how it feels to need public assistance and how it feels to be judged for that need. I hope I brightened her day today and didn’t add to any shame or judgment she feels. I hope that most of all because that’s worth more than $5 in my opinion.

Tis but a scratch

Yesterday I got the results of the MRI I had last week to see if there were any obvious causes for the low frequency hearing loss in my left ear. This kind of hearing loss can be caused by small tumors pressing on the auditory nerve (or whatever that nerve is called) but in my case, there are no tumors. So that’s good but still begs the question of why I have this loss.

My ENT pointed out that I had a small cyst sort of in the middle of my skull, but that the radiologist didn’t think it was alarming. Still, the ENT wanted to take a look. So bam, he squirted numbing stuff up both nostrils and then scoped my nose. It was as yucky as it sounds and not at all what I thought would happen yesterday. He thinks the cyst is left over from having my adenoids removed, probably a bit of scar tissue wrapped around a bit of mucus gland that's slowly grown over time. I didn't know I had it, it doesn't seem to impact me in any way so as far as I'm concerned it can just stay there.

He also pointed out that I had a lot of swelling in one of my sinuses on the left side, and asked me how frequently I got sinus infections. “I’ve never had one in my life,” I replied. Not so, he said, that kind of swelling was indicative of a sinus infection, and probably a pretty bad one. Hmmm.

On the drive home I realized I didn’t really know the symptoms of sinus infections beyond a fever and Technicolor snot—I rarely get a fever and it’s usually associated with a stomach virus, and I never get weird colored snot. So I turned to Dr. Google to find out what the symptoms actually were. I didn’t even click on any links, I didn’t have to:

Of the items on that list, I experience the first four symptoms plus a bad cough at least five or six times a year. In fact, I just went through a fairly bad round of those symptoms last week. I get the sort of face melting headache with extreme pressure, the kind where even my teeth hurt, and a snotted up head that makes loud whistling noises when I blow my nose (when Kent’s around, he will look at me and say “I heard that” after my sinuses whistle), and some dizziness when I move around or shift my position.

What all this means is (a) yes, I do get sinus infections and probably pretty often and more important (b) I need to quit normalizing and not paying attention to what my body is saying. And (Kent will love this) I need to readjust my notion of when I might need to see the doctor. All my life, I've believed that I either need to be actively puking and/or have the runs OR be running a fever of at least 100. Looks like I need to reconsider that framework.

Anyone home?

We believe this is our neighbor's cat; certainly it's someone's cat because he's well fed and just doesn't have that feral look. The kitty loves our air conditioner condenser and has been on there before; usually he just lolls around. Yesterday, he was staring inside and if I didn't know better, I'd think he was looking for our kitties. Maybe he was bored or lonely?

Ohi!

Hair

How do you wear your hair? Have you always worn your hair in a similar style, or do you see your hair as more of a changeable accessory?

Personally the most I’ve experimented has been with a few perms and with the length. I used to think my hair was awful and wouldn’t do anything, so I’d get a perm in hopes that would help. But my hair is very resistant to perms, and the curl would never take at the nape of my neck, the crown of my head and my bangs. Weird, huh? So that was a partial solution at best, and really mostly awful because it was so hard on my hair and always stripped it of color.

Active duty

And I’ve gone from super short hair, to just below shoulder length. When I was in the Army (active duty), I had long hair and wore it in a bun per regulations. I cut it the day I went into labor with my first child.

Then in college (and in the Army Reserves), I grew it long again and wore it French braided every day. Yes, I braided it every day. Then one day I realized that wearing my hair up like that was essentially like having short hair, so I cut it off again—quite short this time.

I’ve also colored it for years. I got my first silver hair when I was 21 or 22, and was just appalled. So I started coloring it. Then about seven years ago, I grew out the color so I could see what was under the hood. And while I like the color—it’s a lovely silver—it’s not evenly sprinkled throughout which would be really nice. No, it’s like God smooshed a bunch of silver sno-cones on my head. Very blotchy, and not particularly attractive at all. So I’m back to coloring—as an interesting aside, we lived in Boston when I had my stylist color it again. He’d never seen it colored and he matched the color to my non-silver hair. I was shocked at how dark it was but he assured me that was the color.

Not much change

Oddly enough, my hair style today is remarkably similar to how I wore it when I was a little girl. I like this length on me because it’s not so long as to look silly, but it’s long enough to put up in a ponytail or a french braid. And in a way, I keep it this length as a cost savings measure. My hair grows ridiculously fast and to keep a short cut looking good, I would (and have in the past) need to get a haircut every three weeks.

Hairstyle by Alison

Autumn leaves

This past Sunday, Kent and I made a start on raking the leaves. We have a lot of trees in our yard—the entire neighborhood is like a forest—so raking can be a year round process. We spent about two hours, filled 11 yard refuse bags and later that day, it was as though nothing had been done. Oh well.

I can never rake leaves without remembering one fall in particular when my boys flung themselves into giant piles of leaves, giggling and exploding out of the piles like little rockets. Of course their shenanigans always messed up the leaf piles, but their joy was infectious plus it wore their little bodies out. That was no mean feat!

L-Jordan, age 5, R-Ben, age 3

So five years ago yesterday

Yes, that’s when the water main burst. Yes, I’m writing about it again. Yes, for the fifth year in a row.

I deliberately didn’t post yesterday but that day still hangs over me. No one died, and we came out OK in the end. Yet there was so much loss that day, and in the weeks afterward—loss that had nothing to do with water damage but piled on top of our soggy messes, well it was a lot to endure.

I mostly don’t miss the possessions we lost. We were able to restore the four pieces of furniture that did matter to us and we’re using them to this day. I don’t miss the clothing either, with the exception of a couple of items. I had the best winter running shirt and haven’t found anything like it since. Fashions change and today’s running gear tends to be form fitting to the skin plastering degree. My ruined winter running shirt wasn’t a tent but neither was it skin tight. I do miss that.

Occasionally I miss my high school yearbooks. Sure, high school was ages ago, but I still miss them. Plus I think my grandkids would have gotten a kick out of seeing me at that age and I don’t really have many pictures.

I’m very glad to say that I no longer flinch at the tiniest sounds of unexpected water. It’s hard for me to describe how loud and unexpected the sound of rushing water was that afternoon. The cats alerted to it first, but I heard it before it started pouring under our patio fence. At first it almost sounded like a whole lot of rushing feet. Then of course I saw it and then it filled our patio and well you know the rest of that story.

If I never ever hear the sound of those gigantic industrial blowers used to dry out flooded areas, that will be OK by me. And I’m fine with never having dry wall dust from reconstruction clogging my lungs again.

The restoration company assured us the first, second and third times we had severe water damage that fire is worse than water. I hope I never find out first hand.

Cat in a window

Again.

We are all loving the weather right now. Yes, winter's coming but for now the windows are open and it's lovely.

Good, that's settled

Last Saturday while visiting my sister Martha, along with her beau Jason and her two daughters, somehow the subject of how towels should be folded came up. Yes, that’s random and no I don’t recall how it happened. Just trust me that it made sense in the conversation.

Both men said prior to being in a relationship with their respective Dzur sister, they’d folded towels in squares. Bah, said we two sisters, that’s flat out wrong. They must be folded in thirds long ways, and then folded in half to hang or folded yet again in half to store. Much discussion over towel folding ensued and then we moved on to how socks are folded. The two men each had their own wrong method while Martha and I pair them up and fold them over from the top.

Out of curiosity today, I emailed our other sister Amy, told her the back story and asked her how she folded towels. Here is her perfect reply:

HA!! Of course I fold them properly! If you fold them in squares, then you have to refold them when you want to hang them on the towel rack!! So silly.*  

And of course she folds socks properly too. So there you go, we’ve provided our guide to practically perfect towels and socks every time.

I offer proof of my own folding methodology:

Exhibit A: Towels plus photobombed by Wally.

Exhibit B: Socks.

*Sadly my sister Amy still uses two spaces at the end of her sentences. But that's OK, I just edited them out.

Animals are weird

We gave my mother-in-law’s dog a rubber duck nearly two years ago at Christmas. The duck is wearing a stocking cap and squeaks very loudly when squeezed or chewed on. Arfie (yes, the dog’s name is Arfie because when he barks, he says “arf” very clearly) loves that chicken, and takes it everywhere. But the reason I’m including this in my “animals are weird” post is because every Sunday when Kent calls his mother, Arfie runs off to get the chicken and brings it to my mother-in-law, making the bird squawk the whole way.

In a similar vein, Eddie is a talkative cat all the time, but he saves his loudest, most expressive meows for when I call my mother on Saturday mornings at 8 her time. He will walk down the hallway and come into the office, singing the song of his people the entire way. My mother can hear him very clearly—heck, I think the people down the street can hear him. He’ll do it other times too, of course, but never with as much feeling and meaning as he does when I am talking to my mom.

It's alive!

So am I, but I am slammed at work. And because I write at work, I have zero brain cells or desire to write once I get home. This too shall pass, because I have probably half a dozen blog posts written in my head and I will get them down at some point. Plus sewing! And another trip coming up! And kitties! Yeah . . . all that. I'll be back shortly, I swear.

I leave you with a picture of the world's most interesting cat (at least he thinks so):

What's in your closet?

Have you heard about Project 333? I’ve written about it before although I’ve never participated. The idea has always intrigued me though, and I’d been considering participating this year.

I was talking about it with Kent and it occurred to me that there’s no corresponding idea for men. I don’t think it’s that no man ever hoarded clothes or has a closet full of clothing with nothing to wear. But I do think there are a couple of reasons why this concept is primarily embraced by women.

If you think about it, we women tend to buy into the idea that we need four discrete seasons of clothing—the item change in terms of fabrics or cut and most definitely shift in terms of color. Think of how summer dresses look and feel compared to winter dresses. Or pants vs. those abominations, capris (sorry if you like them, I cannot abide them at all). Fall colors are typically warmer toned than winter colors, and likewise with spring and summer. Even if the palettes are similar, the color saturation is different (think of summer colors compared to winter colors). Summer clothing is as skimpy as can be (and then we freeze in our overly air conditioned offices) while winter sees us putting on the layers.  So we buy seasonal clothing, which stuffs our closets and then we have a hard time mixing and matching what we’ve got.

I don’t see that same situation with men’s clothing. It’s not really much of an option. Sure, in a business casual environment you’ll see men wearing things like khaki pants rather than tropical wool, and some wear those wretched short sleeve “dress” shirts (dress shirts don’t have short sleeves is all I’m saying) in the summer. But overall, men can wear the same kinds of clothing year round.

So before I start the Project 333 plan, I’d rather take a look at my closet and cull the obvious outliers, the clothes that are strictly intended to be worn in one season. I don’t mean I’ll purge my bathing suit, or have no shorts or sun dresses. But I do think I don’t need three months’ worth of either item. I think if I aim for three season wearing out of all clothing items, then I will need far fewer clothing. And if I choose my colors carefully, sticking with the palette I tend to buy all the time anyway then everything will go together.

What about you, how do you approach buying clothing?

A marketing department's dream

I was flipping through the new Ikea catalog the other day, and sort of idly wondering why it is that particular brand appeals to me so much. That got me wondering about the handful of brands that I identify with and tend to stick with, and thinking about why it’s those brands and not others that I prefer.

For example:

• Membership clubs: Costco always, the rest never. I have tried Sam’s and considered BJ’s because there was a BJ’s near my office in the Boston area but no. I really prefer Costco.
• Super cheap store: Target over WalMart unless we are in a one income situation.
• Cars: For years—I mean years—I was loyal to the Honda brand. I bought a Volvo in 2012 and I’ll never go back. 

And then there’s Ikea. I’ve always liked the furniture with the clean lines and generally fun colors or fabrics. And the soft goods like towels or curtains are just wonderful. Plus you can get the meatballs for lunch or dinner with some mashed potatoes and lingon berries as a side—YUM. And this year, you can watch their hilarious ad:



The Kansas City store opened today and in typical Ikea fashion, they opened 20 minutes early because there were so many people waiting outside in the rain. I can’t wait to go, although not just yet. While I love Ikea, I don’t love crowds.

They take turns

Mostly they take turns nicely. Sometimes there will be hissing and crying. Today was a hissing/crying kind of day.

P.S. Wally was there first.

Chloe has a spot

I have a cat bed on my desk. The boy kitties take turns sleeping in it, or to be honest sometimes they fight over it. Then there's a cushion on the short file cabinet between mine and Kent's desk. That's where you'll find Chloe until the boy kitty who lost out on the cat bed comes and crowds her out.

We have a built in book case in our office and this weekend it occurred to me that if we moved a shelf up just a bit, we could fit in a cushion and maybe, just maybe a kitty would claim that spot as their own.

And she did. In fact, she's the only one who's gotten in there. Pretty sweet, eh?

The house of blues

In the last week, two friends have each lost a parent-in-law. As friends do, we’ve been talking through their specific losses and then more generally about death, funerals, family dynamics and other things like that that are uncomfortable and tend to only get mentioned during times of loss. It’s a way of coping, to be sure, and I think it’s helpful to those who lost their family members.

Honestly it helps me too. My family isn’t especially close, and I don’t know what things will be like after my parents die. At this point, I hear from my brother once a year, when he sings happy birthday to me and then usually drops a personal stink bomb on me (he’s generally got some bad things going on at home, and I’m sympathetic but come on, that’s what you’re going to tell me about on my birthday?). One of my sisters, well I don’t even know how to describe things. I think the last contact was a text from me to her about nurse’s day. My youngest sister and I are probably the closest among the four of us. But we’re separated by a big giant ocean, so even there we’ve got distance.

This all makes me feel sad and frustrated. I’ve tried for decades to have closer relationships with all four only to hear mostly crickets. At the risk of sounding like a whiner, I’ve given up. There’s only so long I can continue to be the one doing the heavy lifting with little to no response or effort in return.  My emotional energy has limits, it’s not never-ending. I need replenishing too, which means my relationships have to be two way. For my own sanity, I’ve just stopped trying any more.

What’s really strange to me is that I’m closest with those who aren’t actually physically related to me. I guess that speaks to the fluid nature of family. I’d say I’m closer to two of my step sisters than my brother and one sister (and really, they haven’t been legally step sisters since I was 12). How weird is that?

Anyway, I’d love to put a bow on this post and write a happy ending, or at least a neat conclusion but that's not happening. There isn’t one now and maybe that’s just the way things are.