I made a thing

This is a stress relief kit for my sister. She’s an RN in Denver and worked in the ICU for years. But a year ago, she got a different job within her organization but outside direct patient care and has been so happy with her new position.

But with COVID, she got recalled to the ICU and even worse, was scheduled to work nights. So I made this for her.

The mask is made of a quilted fabric on the outside and silk on the inside—as I told her, if she uses it and needs to wash it, she’ll need to wash it in a mesh bag and line dry. I shaped this mask a bit so there's more padding around her eyes, and stitched the batting to the quilted side (you can see that in the first photo). I also put in a box of my favorite stress-reducing tea which tastes amazing, plus melatonin to help her sleep, a box of lavender-lemon tea lights (lavender is supposed to be great for relaxing), and then a small bag of Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups.

As it stands, she’s worked a couple of night shifts and then got moved to giving COVID vaccines, and has gotten her first dose herself. With any luck, she won’t need any of this kit but if she does, then she’s prepared.

Why I won’t talk politics with my brother

 (Or with you if you share his beliefs.)

This post has been one I’ve put off writing over and over again and I can’t do that any more. So bear with me because this is personal and hard to write. Or skip the post, your call.

My brother is my only full sibling, we share both parents and are just 11 months apart. When we were little, we were very close although much of that was from necessity as we had a bit of “us against the crazy world” thing going on. We huddled together as we shifted from my mom and dad’s house to my father and stepmother’s house, and went from being the only two children to the two youngest of six. Then both families added kids: my mom & dad had a child and adopted a child, and my father and stepmother had a child. 

He was there when much of my abuse occurred and that damaged him as much as it did me. It also shaped him; he’s said for decades that he’s a staunch supporter and advocate of survivors of sexual abuse, especially women.

You see where this is going, I’m sure. Yes, he supports our current president and at least from the outside looking in, I think he’s fully a supporter. And that’s where the title of this post comes from.

I cannot support 45 in anything. He’s gone on record about sexually assaulting women, he’s bragged about it and shown zero accountability or remorse. There’s not one bit of repentance in him. Supporting 45 invalidates any talk about being an advocate of survivors like me. You cannot have both positions in your head and be reasonable or sane. 

And to take it a step further, let’s go ahead and talk about abortion. I see conservatives making this election or really most elections about this issue, they phrase it in terms of being pro-life. Well OK, I get that. I’m personally deeply uncomfortable with abortion, especially if it’s used as birth control. But I extend that sanctity of life to all life, including convicted murderers. If life is precious before birth, it’s equally precious after birth. To remain consistent to my own values, I cannot support casual abortion and I absolutely do not support the death penalty.

Lest this start a distracting argument, let me be equally clear that I also don’t have it in me to tell someone who was raped, or has a diagnosis of severe disabilities or birth defects or a tubal pregnancy that tough shit, you must carry that baby to term. It’s clear we need a safe, legal option.

In 2004, Benedictine Sister Joan Chittister said the following in an interview with Bill Moyers:

"I do not believe that just because you are opposed to abortion, that that makes you pro-life. In fact, I think in many cases, your morality is deeply lacking if all you want is a child born but not a child fed, a child educated, a child housed. And why would I think that you don't? Because you don't want any tax money to go there. That's not pro-life. That's pro-birth. We need a much broader conversation on what the morality of pro-life is."

That hit home for me. Where is the conservative support for women after they’ve given birth? Rhetorical question, of course, because they are not willing to fund social safety nets. 

Let me wrap up this much too long post. I started by saying this is why I won’t talk politics with my brother. I mean that. If we discuss politics any more than we have (and I shut down that line of conversation every time he’s started it), I will end the relationship. Everyone has their point of no return, and this one is mine. If you believe the way he does, and we have a relationship you want to keep, then honor my boundaries.

Cuteness overload

We went to Nashville last weekend.

And met Grace Elizabeth.

Our grandkitty, Leo, is a little unsettled.

I made bread pudding, holy cow it was good especially with the whiskey sauce I also made (sauce not shown).

It's really cool to see my son over the moon about his daughter.

On Monday, she slept on me for nearly two hours. I didn't mind in the least.

I am not easy to surprise

But . . .

My mother, sister, brother, sister-in-law and especially Kent did just that Friday night. Kent and I had plans for a quiet date night at a new to us restaurant (Affäre), or so I thought.

But when we got to the restaurant, the woman who greeted us was just so warm and kind and almost as though she’d been expecting me.

Narrator: in fact she had been expecting me

You know how when you’ve got reservations, they always double check your name and see where they’re going to seat you? She did none of those things, just said oh yes, you’re sitting back around here and led the way.

I was slightly ahead of Kent and I saw a 6-top table toward the back of the restaurant and immediately saw the back of my brother’s head (I would know his head anywhere), then saw my sister’s face, and my mother’s profile (she was sitting between my brother and sister), and readers, I think I might have staggered a bit. I definitely cried because they were there for an early celebration of my 60th birthday.

Keep in mind, my mother lives right outside Boise, my sister lives in Denver and my brother gets at most one night a week off (he works the overnight shift, he’s a county deputy). Having them all there was the most humbling amazing thing because I know what they each gave up or spent to be there.

That may have been the most amazing dinner of my life. My mom had saved the card I gave her for her 60th birthday; she’d been a little down about that milestone and I thought the card was just perfect for her. Now 22 years later, she gave it to me.

At one point in her life, she collected Swarovski crystal animals, they’re quite lovely. Most of hers are clear, and I’ve always liked them. A couple of years ago, she gave me a tiny little cat which has a place of honor in my display cabinet. This year, she got me the Year of the Rat ornament. Isn’t it cool?

My sister-in-law brought the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers and some yummy chocolates. The flowers have opened up and look so good.

Here are some photos from dinner:

All of us

My sister Amy and me

Amy, Doug and me

Tomorrow is my actual birthday. I haven’t dreaded this milestone in the least—honestly the birthday I had the worst time with was my 25th birthday. The rest have been easy, and this year I have so much to be thankful for. I have the best marriage and a husband who brings so much love and joy into my life, my fourth grandchild/second granddaughter was born just over a week ago (more about that later), and I’ve had no recurrences of melanoma and no evidence of breast cancer right now. I never say cured about any cancer, but no evidence of disease is great. While my healed pelvis always hurts, it’s bearable especially because I know I’m not damaging myself.

Life is good. I think my 60s will be wonderful.

November was busy too

In November, I won tickets for Kent and me to attend a gala for the Veterans Community Project. We bid on tickets for the Hip Hop Nutcracker and kept bidding long enough to get the tickets. We also bought a slew of raffle tickets for a quilt—there were several quilts, but I was only interested in the one you see here. Yes, we won the quilt too.

And we made our last trip to Yuma for Thanksgiving. We knew we were going to go for a hike so I (finally) replaced my hiking boots. Dad had bought me an amazing pair years ago, but they were destroyed when we flooded in Boston. These are the same brand, although not quite as nice.

Alison has taught herself acrobatics and flexibility moves. She is truly a pretzel (and didn’t get that from me, that’s for sure).

Kent, Ben and Jordan finally finished out their customized game of Risk Legacy. Jordan got that a couple of years ago and as you play, you settle the rules, and there are only so many games you can play until the board is full. This was the final year. Kent says it was a really great gift and I know he’s enjoyed playing it with Jordan and Ben.

We had our usual amazing food for Thanksgiving, made even more amazing by the fact that Ben and Jen and the family were moving to California the very next week. So we enjoyed the food, the fire pit, seeing all my family together again, and especially enjoying having Amanda as our daughter-in-law now. It was a great trip.

We got back late the Saturday after Thanksgiving, just in time for the blizzard the very next day. Yes, a real blizzard. But things cleared up enough for us to go to that Hip Hop Nutcracker I mentioned earlier—and it was amazing!

Friday in photos--our last night in Yuma

Sewing with a grandchild

We sent our middle grandchild a sewing project for his seventh birthday in April (you might recall I gave our oldest grandchild sewing lessons for her 7th birthday). Here's a sweet picture of Kent helping our grandson sew his new ninja costume:

On this Christmas Eve

We are in Oklahoma for Christmas; Kent has been here since Tuesday. This is his third or fourth trip since October—his mother has been having some health issues and he’s been here to help her with the house, her doctor’s appointments and so forth.

But it’s time for her to leave this house. She’s been a widow for nearly 20 years, and has downsized a couple times. The first house where I met her was huge and had a gigantic yard. So, then she moved into a smaller house, although I had to laugh—it was still about 3000 square feet! But the yard was smaller, which helped, and the house was definitely smaller than the first one.

Then about four or five years ago, she moved into her current house. It’s smaller than the second house, it’s in a small, gated community and yard care is included with the homeowner’s fees. She’s done well here but in the last year, she’s realized it’s gotten to be a little much.

Our arts & crafts project

Kent and I have been helping her sort out her options and she’s found a place that’s quite nice—it’s a one bedroom apartment that faces south so it’s got lots of light. It’s also near where Kent’s brother works so it will be very easy for him to drop by also. Today, Kent's made a floor plan of the apartment and drawn the furniture she thinks she'd like to take. It looks like her gigantic couch won't make it, but pretty much everything else she'd like to have will fit just fine.

Looking ahead, we’ll need to help her pick the furniture she’ll want with her and then help her with selling the rest. It’s a little overwhelming, to be honest. While she’s not a hoarder by any means, she has a lot of stuff and it will take some serious work.

Thinking back to my grandfather, I remember how he purged nearly everything after my grandmother died. At the time, I found it a little weird and depressing. Now, though, I get it. And more than that, it’s how I see myself being as I get older. I’ve always had the urge to pare down. I think that will only increase as we help Kent’s mother.

Raspberry almond tart

For now, we are working to make this a good Christmas for her and for us. I’ve cooked a lot of savory food that she’s been enjoying (like this tomato soup, and this blueberry oatmeal bake). Tonight, we’ll have spaghetti pie, which is a recipe from my own mother. And tomorrow we’ll have my mother’s pork, mashed potatoes, peas, and applesauce. Oh and raspberry tart for dessert.

I hope you are spending this holiday season with people you love.