So about those kittens

 This is kind of long so bear with me.

The first reason we got kittens was 100% me. I’ve seen a lot of pets on the various rescue sites whose owners died or had to move into assisted living and couldn’t keep their pets anymore. Their pictures just crush my soul, those animals are stressed and depressed and scared. When I think about my own life, I know that I always want to have kitties in my home. In my ideal state, my kitties would die like a week before I do or before I have to move into assisted living. But life isn’t always like that. Wally and Eddie are 13, so if I wait until they live out their full life span and assuming they live as long as Chloe did, I’ll be 67 when we’d be looking for another pair of cats. Then if those kitties live 20 years, well I don’t like the odds of them predeceasing me.

I know that it can be hard to bring just one cat into a home with resident cats, especially when they are as high strung and neurotic as Eddie and Wally. So I wanted a pair. That way they would always have each other.

Initially I looked for older cats as they’re both cheaper and in greater need. But as I inquired about them, they had health issues or other requirements that made integrating them into our home look pretty difficult. So I turned to kittens.

Here’s the other reason I wanted more kitties. This pandemic is taking a toll on everyone, me included. So many of the things Kent and I like to do are off the table and I’m feeling flat and apathetic. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I don’t even have the usual escape of running since my foot isn’t fully healed. The kittens are helping with that a lot. They’re absolutely hysterical in their kitten antics, and we’re both laughing a lot more these days. 

It’s still pretty daunting to have four cats. Right now, we keep the girls in the guest bedroom at night. That gives Wally his safe space with us in bed, and honestly it helps us too. After all, they’re kittens and they love to romp and play in the middle of the night. That doesn’t help us get a good night’s sleep. 

We’ve added a third litter box, which is in the guest bedroom too. The girls only use it at night, which makes us laugh. I bet they’d tell us they’re big kitties now and they’ll use the big kitties’ boxes, thank you very much. 

Annie has also had a prolapsed anus which hasn’t fully resolved (in fact, she’s at the vet today because she had a bloody stool last night and the prolapse was back again this morning). That brings back sad memories of Sammie, who only lived for seven more months after we adopted him when he was seven months old (he had feline infectious peritonitis which is always fatal). 

And having someone care for the cats when we do travel has now more than doubled. I booked kennel time for the girls at our vet’s as I’m not yet ready to have all four cats stay home alone with a once a day pet sitter visit. Stevie loves to chew wires, and Wally still intensely dislikes them both, so this seemed the wiser if more expensive path to take. 

Still, I’m super glad we got them. And yes, now I’m 100% a crazy cat lady as I’ve exceeded the formula: N + 1 where N equals the number of humans in the house. We were OK with three, but four? Yup, crazy cat people territory. 

Why I won’t talk politics with my brother

 (Or with you if you share his beliefs.)

This post has been one I’ve put off writing over and over again and I can’t do that any more. So bear with me because this is personal and hard to write. Or skip the post, your call.

My brother is my only full sibling, we share both parents and are just 11 months apart. When we were little, we were very close although much of that was from necessity as we had a bit of “us against the crazy world” thing going on. We huddled together as we shifted from my mom and dad’s house to my father and stepmother’s house, and went from being the only two children to the two youngest of six. Then both families added kids: my mom & dad had a child and adopted a child, and my father and stepmother had a child. 

He was there when much of my abuse occurred and that damaged him as much as it did me. It also shaped him; he’s said for decades that he’s a staunch supporter and advocate of survivors of sexual abuse, especially women.

You see where this is going, I’m sure. Yes, he supports our current president and at least from the outside looking in, I think he’s fully a supporter. And that’s where the title of this post comes from.

I cannot support 45 in anything. He’s gone on record about sexually assaulting women, he’s bragged about it and shown zero accountability or remorse. There’s not one bit of repentance in him. Supporting 45 invalidates any talk about being an advocate of survivors like me. You cannot have both positions in your head and be reasonable or sane. 

And to take it a step further, let’s go ahead and talk about abortion. I see conservatives making this election or really most elections about this issue, they phrase it in terms of being pro-life. Well OK, I get that. I’m personally deeply uncomfortable with abortion, especially if it’s used as birth control. But I extend that sanctity of life to all life, including convicted murderers. If life is precious before birth, it’s equally precious after birth. To remain consistent to my own values, I cannot support casual abortion and I absolutely do not support the death penalty.

Lest this start a distracting argument, let me be equally clear that I also don’t have it in me to tell someone who was raped, or has a diagnosis of severe disabilities or birth defects or a tubal pregnancy that tough shit, you must carry that baby to term. It’s clear we need a safe, legal option.

In 2004, Benedictine Sister Joan Chittister said the following in an interview with Bill Moyers:

"I do not believe that just because you are opposed to abortion, that that makes you pro-life. In fact, I think in many cases, your morality is deeply lacking if all you want is a child born but not a child fed, a child educated, a child housed. And why would I think that you don't? Because you don't want any tax money to go there. That's not pro-life. That's pro-birth. We need a much broader conversation on what the morality of pro-life is."

That hit home for me. Where is the conservative support for women after they’ve given birth? Rhetorical question, of course, because they are not willing to fund social safety nets. 

Let me wrap up this much too long post. I started by saying this is why I won’t talk politics with my brother. I mean that. If we discuss politics any more than we have (and I shut down that line of conversation every time he’s started it), I will end the relationship. Everyone has their point of no return, and this one is mine. If you believe the way he does, and we have a relationship you want to keep, then honor my boundaries.

Way outside my comfort zone

 A couple of months ago, I saw an ad on Instagram for Shefit bras and was intrigued. I’ve always had problems finding sports bras that fit my band size and my chest. My band size is pretty small, about 30 inches, and most big box retailers don’t make sports bras that small. The few that do generally offer the pull-over-your-head kind. Those don’t work for me because if I can get it over my shoulders, it’s too big for around my ribs.

So I bought two of these bras and wow. I love them. In fact, I love them so much that when their marketing team sent an auto email asking me to review the bra, I did. Here’s what I wrote:

I was already difficult to fit in sports bras (small chest, bigger cup size) and then I had breast cancer. Now I've had a lumpectomy and radiation and my left breast is way different than my right. It doesn't matter with this bra--both sides are fully supported, there's no digging into painful spots and running no longer hurts my breasts. I'm glad I took a chance on this bra.

Friday, I got an email (not auto generated) from someone in their marketing team, and this is what she wrote:

I am reaching out on behalf of the SHEFIT marketing team. In support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we are sharing reviews from customers that have been affected by this disease and have found support by using SHEFIT Bra’s through their journey. Your review has been selected as one we would like to feature in our social channels. 

We are reaching out to request a photo of you in your SHEFIT to go along with your review. We can provide you with 1 free bra of your choice for taking part. However, if you do not feel comfortable, I totally understand. If you would like to share your social handles we can tag you in our post. 

Please send photos by Monday, Oct 5th.

My first reaction was heck no. I’m a 60 year old woman, not looking for fame and not an exhibitionist. But as I thought about it some more, I reconsidered. You see, one of the things that appealed to me about the brand was that the models weren’t all thin and white. They’ve got pretty good diversity there. But, and I shared this with the marketing person, what I haven’t seen is older women.

So Kent got some photos today, I sent three along to the marketing person and told her I was doing it because I think it’s important to show that there’s life after a breast cancer diagnosis, and that women of all ages can be fit.

Here’s what I sent (and be kind, this is not easy to show my nearly senior-citizen belly after two pregnancies and seven major abdominal surgeries!).

This one is my least favorite, although I don't hate it.

I like this one a lot.

Kent asked me to flex; this is his favorite photo and probably mine too.