These emails make me sad

Establishing that mind/body connection

I mentioned in my update post that my orthopedist told me I need to rethink the mind/body connection so that I pay attention to signals my body sends when something’s wrong. It would be more accurate to say I need to start paying attention. I’ve spent my entire life disassociated from my body, so I can’t rethink something I’ve never done. Unfortunately, I’m a pro at ignoring signals from my body.

For instance:

• I took a hard fall from the top of a pretty tall slide when I was 9. Remember, I was a child in the dark ages when our playground equipment had zero safety features, and the playgrounds were hard-packed dirt, not the cushy stuff used today. I landed flat on my back and knocked the wind out of myself. My lower back felt awful, sort of unstable, but I didn’t tell anyone I’d fallen or that my back hurt. That night I remember lying on the daybed in our basement in Bryn Mawr watching the moon landing and thinking I wish my back weren’t hurting. It’s pretty much hurt ever since.*  
• When I was 19, I had all the symptoms of appendicitis for three weeks. I finally went to the clinic because I threw up (hate, hate, hate to throw up) and was in surgery three hours later. My surgeon later told me that if I’d waited one more day, I would have died. My small intestine was compromised, I had an NG tube for about 5 days and a 7-inch long incision.
• I went on to have four abdominal surgeries in five years and had a fair amount of pain and discomfort in my lower back (same place from that fall). But what’s the prevailing advice if you have back pain? Do more core work, you’ve got a weak core and once that’s strong, then your back will be good to go. I cannot tell you how much ab work I’ve done over the years. Point in fact, my core is rock solid. That back pain never went away, and I never thought to mention it to any doctor I ever saw. More about that in a moment.
• I had an MRI a few years ago to see why my ears were always plugged up. When I met with my ENT to discuss the results, he asked me how often I had sinus infections. Never, I said. He told me that I had a raging sinus infection right then and showed it to me on the MRI. That was a recalibration exercise for me right there as I realized the face melting headaches I’d had all my life were in fact sinus infections. That particular sinus infection took two rounds of antibiotics to cure.
• About that back pain. The same MRI that diagnosed my pelvic fracture also diagnosed mild degenerative disc disease in L4-L3. Guess where that is? Yup, the same spot that’s been hurting me all these years.
• And of course, I ran a 10K on Memorial Day this year with a fractured pelvis. Yes, I was in pain—enough pain that I had to walk a fair amount, enough pain that my average pace was 90 seconds more a mile than usual, enough pain that I was nearly puking the whole way through. I still didn't stop. Once I ran across the finish line, that was it. I haven’t walked normally since then.

Right this second, I’m trying to pay attention. I say trying because this is hard. Now I feel all the aches and pains, all the discomfort and it’s not pleasant. OK that’s an understatement. I’m in pain and not just from the fracture. I don’t like this at all and to be honest, I long for that disassociation because at least then I don’t hurt.

I’m sure if you aren’t wired this way, I sound utterly insane.




*By the way, I'm not dissing today’s playgrounds—I couldn’t have taken the fall I did if the slide had been both shorter and made of that industrial plastic used today. I was basically skiing down the slide with sand under my shoes. I didn't get enough sand for that trip, caught an edge of my sneaker at the top of the slide and flipped right over. I don't think you can ski down today's slides that way.

An update

I saw the orthopedist yesterday afternoon. This was the first time I’d seen him (I saw the physician’s assistant in the urgent orthopedic clinic on May 29, which is also when I had the x-ray taken—I had the MRI on June 1).

Good news:

No proximal femur fracture or stress reaction, no right hip effusion, hip cartilage is normal, ligaments are good, and gluteal tendon attachments are good.

Not so good news:

I’ve got a nondisplaced transverse fracture of the right inferior pubic ramus with extensive bone marrow edema and adjacent edema in the inferior fibers of the right obturator externus muscle (which is consistent with a low-grade muscle strain). I also have mild right hamstrings origin tendinosis and left hamstrings origin tendinosis, both with no tearing.

What’s next?

Well this is the hard part. No exercise, zero exercise for the next six weeks. I think I probably blanched at that part. He was really clear though. He told me that I won’t be running for three months (best case) and that I need to rethink and reconnect with the signals my body sends me. No running through pain, no ignoring it because next time, it might be far more catastrophic and completely end running for me. He just did a hip replacement on a 28 year old female, he said, who ran through the pain. Yeah, I don’t want to be that woman. And to be honest, this is about what I expected. The internet is a wonderful resource, and Dr. Google had warned me this would almost certainly be a lengthy recovery.

He’ll take more x-rays in six weeks to see how the bone is healing and I may be cleared then for some very light exercise (think upper body). But yeah, no running, he said, unless I’m being chased by a rabid dog.

For now, I’m on crutches as I need them. I can sort of gimp around the house on one crutch but it’s dicey at work—people don’t always realize I need a bit more clearance coming through. But I expect to be off them in a couple of weeks. I can put weight on the leg now which is a huge improvement. What hurts is bringing my leg forward, or doing anything that involves moving left or right.

Stay tuned. I’m determined to recover completely from this and in the meantime, I guess I’ll have to learn to be patient.

I’m not very patient

I am sitting here on a Sunday evening, nearly a week after getting injured. I don’t have a diagnosis yet, I don’t have a treatment plan yet, and I’m frustrated.

To be fair, I’ve had an x-ray and an MRI, and I do have a follow up appointment on June 11. But that’s a week off and in the meantime, I’m supposed to stay off that leg which means staying on the crutches.

But on Friday, we fly to Boston to see our friends. It’s a short trip—out on Friday, drive down to the Cape, celebrate a friend’s significant birthday Friday night, all day Saturday and Saturday night, then drive back to Boston on Sunday and fly home. And to complicate things further, we’d originally booked non-stop flights from Kansas City to Boston, only Delta changed the outbound flights and we now change planes in Detroit.

I may not have elite status any more on Delta, but I do know the airports. Let’s just say that Detroit isn’t a great airport if you have mobility issues. Plus our connection time is pretty tight. I've reluctantly booked wheelchair assistance in Detroit.

I have to say, that feels so weird. But I’m also realistic and even though my arms aren’t sore at all from using these crutches, getting from one gate to another if we also have to change concourses would be an ordeal (and we will almost certainly have to change concourses).

Mostly I miss running. I sure hope that on June 11, I get a diagnosis and a plan to get me running again.

I’m shocked and thrilled and also bummed

On Saturday, I got the full results of the Heartland 39.3 Challenge.

This challenge was comprised of three half marathons: Rock the Parkway, The Land of Oz Garmin, and Run with the Cows. I did well in the first two races, although I didn’t place in my age group. Ironically, the race I had the most trouble with because of my shoes is the one I placed in (second in my age group).

Apparently I did well enough to win—yes, WIN—my age group for the challenge. I can hardly believe it and I’m so incredibly tickled!

But I'm also bummed.

Remember the race I ran on Monday and the leg issue I had? I did go to my PCP's walk in clinic, who immediately said this injury was outside their expertise and sent me to an urgent orthopedic clinic (I didn't even know such a thing existed but it does and they were packed yesterday).

I'm now on crutches, had an x-ray and I'm scheduled for an MRI on Friday to determine if this is a muscle strain or a tear or who knows what. I fervently hope it's just a strain and heals quickly. On the plus side, my arm/back muscles aren't sore at all. Guess all my strength work is paying off.

Going the Distance 10K—hey if I can’t get a PR, I can at least do good and help someone else finish

This race was a last second decision. Kent's birthday was on Friday and I planned out fun stuff for us to do each day except I didn’t have anything for Monday (today). Then last week, I got an email from a running club I’m in offering a 22% discount for this race. I somehow convinced Kent that it would be a Good Idea to run this race (him running the 5K and me the 10K) even though the temps were forecast to be in the mid 90s F with a heat index well into the low 100s. Fun times, right?


Why this race?
This race is for a cause (brain injury) that’s close to my heart. You see, when my older son was 18 months old, he climbed out a third story window and fell to the sidewalk below and fractured his skull. (Quick disclaimer—we lived in Germany then, none of the windows had screens and all the sills were well above his reach. He was just a resourceful little thing and dragged a box over, climbed up and out he went—super fast and super sneaky. While he was with our babysitter at the time, it could have happened on our watch too.) A few months later, he had a petit mal seizure and we took him to the doctor, who basically said watch him, it may happen again and then again it may not.

Then when he was 12 y/o, he developed Type 1 diabetes (not related to the fall) and then about 8 to 10 years later, he started seizing again. We all thought those seizures were from low blood sugar, and in hindsight some most certainly were but not all. This last year, his now-wife, then fiancée, managed to test his blood sugar level while he was having a grand mal seizure and lo and behold, his blood sugar was normal. He’s since been diagnosed with epilepsy and it’s almost certainly from the brain injury.

So the race was for a cause that means something to me. Anyway on to the race itself.

Pre-race
I’d hoped to set a 10K PR today—second goal was to maintain the same record, and third goal was not die from the heat or reinjure myself. I’ve been struggling with my right abductor but it seemed like it was getting better so that seemed like a reasonable set of goals.

Race
Mile 1 was right on pace (9:00), mile 2 was slightly under pace, but about a half mile later, my leg really started hurting. I briefly walked and realized that starting up again was more painful, but as I kept going, the pain died down to a dull roar. OK, I thought, I can do this—and I did until mile 3. I walked again, and boy once again starting up hurt a lot. Other runners were starting to walk too, and the heat was taking a toll on all of us.

I'm on the left behind the man
without a shirt; the young woman
I mentioned is on the right.

I’d passed one young woman who looked to be in her early 20s and she reminded me so much of a dear friend of mine. Then she passed me, I passed her, one of those race yo-yos you see. Somewhere before mile 4, I seriously started considering not finishing. My leg was not just hurting but felt wrong, like something wasn’t quite connected properly any more. Then the same young woman passed me, then stopped and asked if I were OK. I realized that a PR was out of the question so I started talking with her. Long story not quite so long, she was struggling from the heat and lack of training so I ran with her at her pace, walked when she needed to, and got her over the finish line. I figured if I can’t set a PR, I can at least do some good, right?

Post-race
Well I can’t really walk. I’ll be calling my doctor tomorrow to get the official word on what’s wrong (I'm pretty sure it's a groin strain and probably a pretty bad one). Glad this was the last race for me for the summer because even if it weren’t, it would be. Oh and ironically, I still placed 3rd in my age group. And I finished.

Running with the Cows Half Marathon and Heartland 39.3 Challenge

Pre-race: The Running with the Cows Half Marathon was the third of three half marathons for the Heartland 39.3 Challenge (I ran the Rock the Parkway on April 14 and the Garmin Land of Oz on April 21).

I wasn’t sure exactly how to maintain my training and ended up repeating the last three weeks of my training plan between this half marathon and the Garmin one. I was a little nervous about the weather—we didn’t really have much transition between winter and summer here in Kansas and we’re definitely into summer heat and humidity.

The weather forecast called for sun and temps in the mid to upper 70s during the race. I knew too that the route would have a lot of rolling hills. I do like hills but coming off the two previous half marathons plus the 5k last weekend, I also knew I wasn’t as fresh as I could be. And then there’s the struggle I continue to have with my running shoes. Anyway, I hoped for a new personal best but also knew that might not be possible.

Race: This race wasn’t nearly as crowded as the Rock the Parkway. I’m not sure if that’s because of the weather or the location (Bucyrus is about 25 minutes south of Kansas City), but the corral area wasn’t bad at all. But none of us could hear a thing—never heard the national anthem, couldn’t understand a word the announcer was saying (and he talked a fair amount). I found out later from Kent that the race was delayed because of weather. We had a big storm moving through slightly west of us with some decent lightning. But finally we were off.

Kent ran the 5K!

The best way to describe this race and the atmosphere is sweet. Bucyrus is a small town, and they have fully embraced the cow for the race. There were cow signs everywhere, some people were running in cow patterned tights or headbands with cow horns on them. Oh and the cow bells. So many cow bells! The high school drum line played right at the first mile marker, and later on I saw a boy playing a full drum set on a flatbed trailer.

I’d started with the 1:55 pace group—I wasn’t sure I could hang the entire distance at that pace and figured I would land somewhere between that and the 2:00 hour. Unfortunately, around mile 7 I could tell this might not be my race.

You see, I’ve struggled finding running shoes that work and don’t hurt my feet. Call me Cinderella but it’s been nearly impossible to find shoes that work for me. I have very narrow heels, a low volume (top to bottom) foot and long toes. If shoes fit my toes, they’re much too wide and if they fit everywhere else, then my toes hit the ends of the shoes. I ran in a pair of Altras that fit me well except they are pretty wide through the ball of my foot and much too tall (top to bottom). That’s OK when I’m running uphill or on flat surfaces. But remember those rolling hills I mentioned? The downhills just killed me. My feet slid forward so I had a lot of friction on the bottoms of my feet and my poor toes got jammed up against the front of my shoes. By mile 8, my feet were screaming at me. So frustrating.

So OK. I faced facts: no personal best for me in this run. What could I learn and how could I get through the rest of the race? I started getting water at the aid stations (I’ve never drunk during races before so this was a good chance to learn how), I walked some short intervals (mostly downhill to spare my bruised toes and what felt like but weren’t blisters on the balls of my feet). I kept playing tag with another runner. He would pass me and start walking so I’d start running as long as I could, then walk. Boom, then he’d pass me. At one point, I said guess we’ll tag team it into the finish line. And you know what? We did.

My running buddy at the finish.

This is what I love about running and runners—we may be competing but we still help each other. With only the point 1 left in the 13.1 race, he and I were both running. We came around the curve and could see the finish line ahead (so far away) and he said OK you ready? Yup, I said, let’s go. And we both did everything we could to sprint across that finish line. He told me right after that his legs were cramping like crazy. I told him thanks for the teamwork and then I found Kent.

Chip time was 2:03:32—my slowest half. Oddly though, I wasn’t bummed. I was just so glad to have completed that Heartland Challenge, and also a bit relieved I’m not running another half any time soon. Kent and I enjoyed the amazing spread of food (seriously, this half marathon puts out a feast!) and then headed home. Once at home, I looked up my official results and was stunned to see I placed second in my age group. That was a total shocker!

What I learned from the series and from this half marathon:

• I need more endurance, which means I need longer runs.
• I have to solve my shoe issue. My feet are still killing me and I’m hoping one of my nails isn’t as bruised as it looks.
• I’m really tough and also the accumulated fatigue was real.
• I’m also faster than I ever thought I could be. Now I want to see how much I can improve.
• I need to get acclimated to the hotter, more humid weather. We were lucky on Saturday—we never did have the forecasted sunshine and in fact we got rained on about four or five times.

What’s next: I’m definitely not running the Hospital Hill Half Marathon in three weeks. I toyed with the idea but I need a bit of recovery and some easy runs. But I will find something else to train for—it’s in my nature and also I’m fully hooked.

Rock the Parkway Half Marathon--my first half marathon

Training
This is my first half marathon, and in a way, I feel like I’d been training for this one forever. Originally, I planned to run the Hangover Half Marathon on January 1, but it was postponed a week and then ultimately canceled because of extreme cold. The race organizers offered a couple of other races I could switch to instead, so I ran the Sweetheart 10K race in February, which was also postponed a week due to a snow emergency.
I used Hal Higdon’s advanced half marathon plan, not because I’m such an advanced runner but because the distances were about what I run each week anyway. To be honest, while I’ve run most of my life, I haven’t trained or competed until this last year. There’s a lot I don’t know how to do yet (running well downhill for example) and I’m pretty inexperienced with the mental side of racing.

Pre-race
I gotta be honest—it was FREEZING out. I don’t have much insulation any more and have zero shame in wearing layers to run. Those runners who wore shorts and singlets? Insane! I did the tiniest of warm up runs but honestly was shivering so much, I didn’t run more. See that yellow headband I'm wearing? I almost didn't bring it and I'm so glad I did. The wind was just awful and that headband kept my ears from freezing off.

Because I’m inexperienced, I decided to find the 2-hour pacers and stick with them. I didn’t want to go out too fast and I thought it might be good to run with a group (I always run alone). They explained their strategy: slower to start, walk through every aid station, speed up downhill. Stick with us, they said, and we’ll get you there. OK, sounds good to me except I don’t drink or eat during a 2-hour run, so I figured I’d see how I felt at the first aid station and take it from there.

Race
Our first two miles were pretty slow, which was good since I was running with a lot of people and dodging elbows left and right. But when we got to the first aid station, I though hmm I don’t really want to stop and walk, I’ll get even colder so I kept going. I figured they would probably catch up with me later and I’d run with them then. I never did see them again as it turned out.

Around mile 9, a friend was out cheering and that just warmed my heart—she braved some nasty weather to do that and I felt so encouraged.

Then somewhere around mile 11 and right after it started sleeting, a man on my right side who was slightly behind me said “Hey don’t slow down, you’ve been my pacer this whole race—I’ve been following your yellow head band and I want to break the 2 hour mark.” Say what? Someone is using me as a pacer?? So we ran together. Wow did that help—every time I even thought about being tired or cold, I reminded myself that I too wanted that sub-2 hour time and that I’d worked hard for this for months. At the 12 mile mark, Richard (that was his name, we were best buds by now) asked if I had anything left in the tank for the downhill stretch. I don’t know, I said, but I’m sure going to try. And I ran my little legs off until the end.

Post-race
I found my husband, who is the best crew a woman could ask for, grabbed a banana and a beer (really odd pairing to be honest) and went to get the print out of my results. I was pretty confident I’d broken the 2-hour mark according to my watch, but I wanted to see the official results. When I got the print out and saw 1:57:04, I started to cry. Now you have to understand that I’ve been (accurately) called a velvet covered brick, and tears are not normal for me. But I just stood there in the freezing wind blubbering while my sweet husband told me what a great job I did.

Next weekend I run the second of three half marathons for the Heartland 39.3 challenge. It’s supposed to be upper 40s and rain, of course, because apparently I bring crappy weather to races.

Mind over matter

Last Wednesday, my running plan called for a 60-minute run that increased in speed throughout. I’ve done tempo runs (as these are called) before, but what I hadn’t done was an hour long run in 22F with a wind chill of 9F at 4:27 AM. That’s some wind, to drop the temperature that much.

But I did it, and then I had Kent take this lovely photo as proof that yes, I ran in that weather super early in the morning. I look so glamorous!

How cold was it? I always take a little snot rag with me because my nose gets really drippy in the cold weather. It was so cold that the little rag froze.

Big 12 12K race before I forget

I won an entry into the Big 12 12K run through work—the race had three lengths: one mile, 5K and 12K. I could have also run the mile before running the 12K part but since I’ve been training for a half marathon, that race didn’t work into my training plan.

The weather was lovely that morning. Well it was sunny. Also cold and also pretty darn windy. Runners were encouraged to wear their school’s colors, and while I couldn’t find any Jayhawk-specific stuff, I did wear KU blue. You can see I’m also using magnetic holders for my bib. I got tired of poking holes in my good running gear so got these from Amazon. They worked really well.

This route was incredibly hilly and that’s saying something because I run hills all the time. But these were pretty steep, especially the last two miles of the race which was nearly all uphill. 

In this photo at the very end of the race, you can see I’m concentrating really hard. I was mortally afraid I’d catch my toe on one of those carpets that were covering the wires and go tumbling. Fortunately, I didn’t.

All in all, I’m pleased with how I ran. I maintained an average page of 8:57 per mile and came in fourth in my age group. The winner in my age group ran it in 57 minutes!

Sweetheart 10K race

This race was originally scheduled for last Saturday, but as I mentioned, the City of Overland Park called a snow emergency; when that happens, they won’t provide support for races, and the races can’t be held without the support. So it was rescheduled for today.

The weather was far yuckier today than last Saturday (which was merely frigid). I woke up to a wintery mix, which turned to a bit of snow and then sleet and then rain, all within an hour’s time. I’d planned to run a warm up couple of miles around 7 but at that point it was raining.

I decided I’d try to warm up at the racing venue instead, since everything was supposed to start drying up around 8:30. Unfortunately, the only thing my warm up run did was get my feet soaking wet. I mean they were squelching! Temps were in the low 30s and we had a good wind from the west, so the wind chill was in the upper 20s. Brrr.

Still, the rain had stopped which was good. Here I am under the orange arrow with the super bright pink ball cap on as we started:

And at the finish:

Huh, I thought the clouds had cleared out more than that.

And my official times:

My three goals for this 10K were:

• Don’t injure myself—most important goal. Achieved!
• Finish the race—so that reinforces the first goal because I can’t finish if I hurt myself. Achieved!
• If possible, keep my pace under 10 minutes per mile. Achieved! And I'm so tickled, my average pace per mile was 9:05.

My official chip time for the 10K was 56:22:9, I came in second in my age group, 26th out of all females and 59th out of the 249 who ran the 10k. I joked with Kent that I keep improving, and still keep coming in second in my age group. We looked at the results for the younger women, and I’d have won a couple of them. What can I say, I’m in a fast age group.

That is the blingiest finisher's medal I've ever seen.

Next up, I won an entry to the Big 12 races on March 10 from my employer, so I'll be running a (hilly) 12K proudly wearing a Jayhawk cap. And I'm fully focused on the first of three half marathons on April 14. 

Training does pay off

I’m not very experienced at running races. I’ve run a grand total of five races: a Jingle Bell run in the Detroit area in 2007 (not timed, purely a fun run), Hospital Hill 5K in 2008, another 5k in 2008 that I don’t remember the name of but it was some sort of fund raiser for physical therapy school at KU or something like that, and then the two races late last year.

On a whim, I looked up the results for the very first 5k I ever ran, which was the Hospital Hill 5K 10 years ago.

Then I pulled my results from the race I ran in October, the double race that was a 5K and then a 3K: 

Finally, I grabbed my results from the Jingle Bell 5K I ran in December:

It's really gratifying to see that I've improved despite being 10 years older. Now I'm even more determined to see how good I can get. 

Rescheduled again

I'm beginning to think I'm the frozen kiss of death for winter races. Click the photo to read the email.

Round two

The replacement race for the half marathon that got scrapped due to life-threatening cold is this Saturday. I'm supposed to run the 10k (this race doesn't have a half marathon option) . . . except yes, once again weather is a concern.

I've been watching the forecast for the last week and it's teetered between rain, rain and snow, snow showers, wintry mix until today. Now we're supposed to get three to five inches of snow and the temp will be a balmy 17 with a wind chill of 4 at 9 AM when the race starts. Just shoot me now.