MOCSA Speaker's Bureau

I volunteer with MOCSA (Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault) as a member of their speaker's bureau. I've spoken a handful of times, sometimes for their volunteer training or their Friends of MOCSA lunches.

I was asked to speak at the KU Medical Center's continuing education event in October, which was a great event. They specifically wanted to hear from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse about what would help/not help when we interact with our medical professionals.

Then earlier this month, I was invited to speak at a major fund-raising event in Johnson County. I was the closing speaker, and again invited to share my story with the focus on how important MOCSA is. The keynote speaker, whose notes I was able to see ahead of time, discussed the importance of education and also talked about how to identify grooming behavior and what appropriate steps to take if someone thought they saw that. So I tied my talk into hers, which I think helped make my portion better.

I always wonder if I'll be able to keep my composure when I speak, after all this is a very personal thing I'm sharing and the risk is real. Usually I do OK, but at this last event I received a standing ovation. Boy that undid me!

I've got two pictures from the event: in the first picture from back left is the CEO of MOCSA, the honorary chair who also happens to be the mayor of Leawood, where I live) and a news anchor for a local TV station who was the master of ceremonies. The two women sitting on the arms of the chairs are the chairs of the event. And the woman sitting on the far left was the keynote speaker. The second picture is during my talk. A friend who saw that said I look like I was testifying for Congress!

September

I won’t lie, in many ways September was a very hard month for me.

On the positive side, I flew to Idaho to spend my mother’s birthday with her, and has a great time. Also on the positive side, I was cleared to start the slowest ramp up plan in the world for returning to running. And in more positive news, I had a mole removed in late August because my dermatologist had concerns, and the biopsy came back abnormal but not melanoma and it’s gone now anyway.

However, I’ve got three new moles on the watch list. One is near where the melanoma was removed, one is on my left shoulder and one is on my left hip. And I won’t lie, waiting to get the results of the biopsy back were not a lot of fun.

And then of course we had the entire unfolding of our newest Supreme Court Justice’s past splashed all over national news.

During that same time, I was completing 25 hours of training required of all potential volunteers for MOCSA, Kansas City’s only rape advocacy group in the metropolitan area.

In one of the required courses, I read that victims of child sexual abuse have higher rates of revictimization.

I immediately (and as I have always done) rejected that idea. Not me, nope, that’s not me in the least. Then I started remembering what happened when I was 14, 18, 19, 25—you get the idea. Yes, that was me. I don’t pretend to know why sexual abuse at a young age leads people like me to be re-abused, but I can’t deny that any more.

So I didn’t sleep well, I told friends I was either going to start crying and never stop or turn into nothing but pure rage. I was not exaggerating.

My mother asked me in early October if there was a reason I wasn’t blogging any more.

This is why. All my energy was focused elsewhere, on trying to keep my head above water, trying to get some sleep, any sleep, and to both remember what I needed to remember while not getting absolutely stuck in the past.