On Friday, the window closes to submit marathon results for the Grandma’s Marathon this year (which is all virtual).
I, of course, will have nothing to submit thanks to my broken right foot.
This is the first race I’ve not started, let alone not finished and this is hard for me.
I had a lot of meaning and significance invested in this race: the end of active cancer treatment, finally healed up from the fractured pelvis, also I’m 60 this year and that sort of seemed appropriate, to run my first marathon the year I turned 60.
Well that’s not happening. It’s hard to stay with the feelings, because they mostly suck and are centered on loss, failure, and fear that I will never be able to get back to the running I love so much.
So here I am, seven months after paying the fee to run that marathon, looking at a jacket I will never wear. I didn’t earn it and I would always feel like a fraud. Honestly, I'm not sure what to do with it.
DNS—did not start
DNF—did not finish
 |
| What to do with this? |
This is the first race I’ve not started, let alone not finished and this is hard for me.
I had a lot of meaning and significance invested in this race: the end of active cancer treatment, finally healed up from the fractured pelvis, also I’m 60 this year and that sort of seemed appropriate, to run my first marathon the year I turned 60.
Well that’s not happening. It’s hard to stay with the feelings, because they mostly suck and are centered on loss, failure, and fear that I will never be able to get back to the running I love so much.
So here I am, seven months after paying the fee to run that marathon, looking at a jacket I will never wear. I didn’t earn it and I would always feel like a fraud. Honestly, I'm not sure what to do with it.
DNS—did not start
DNF—did not finish
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