In an email to Jeanne yesterday, I told her I was struggling with the whole work/personal life balance thing. I can tell I’m not getting enough time at home because when I do get home, all I want to do is hibernate. I’m not interested in running errands, seeing friends, sewing or doing anything except just being at home.
Some of this is from the travel; it’s been especially heavy this fall. But mostly it’s the commute. When close to three hours of my day are spent in the car, I have no time for doing the things I like to do. Typically I get up, work out if I have the energy and/or time, pack my lunch, shower and off I go to work. I get home 12 hours later, throw down dinner (which we’ve either made on the weekends or it’s take out) and fall in bed. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I’m not looking to be unemployed again. Along with the financial crunch, that’s still not striking a good work/personal life balance—it’s too much time at home. But I miss a lot of what I did do when I was home more. I sewed a lot of things for Alison and I’ve made exactly one outfit for Eliot. I like cooking but I need to be home on the weekends to cook, which has been rare this fall. I also like the house to be clean (darn cats!) but again, I have to be here to clean it.
Aside from the obvious need to earn money so we can have food and a place to live, I think humans are wired to want to work, to do something we find significant. Notice I didn’t say I’m looking for my job to give me my purpose in life. I get that elsewhere, at home or with my friends or family doing the things I love to do. That’s what I need more of right now and I’m not entirely sure how to get it.
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