Disclaimer: I’m not an alcoholic although I am the daughter of one. So any familiarity I have with the 12 steps is once removed and not from actually working the steps. They've always made sense to me, though.
OK on to what I'm trying to say.
When I was young and stupid, I didn’t always treat people very well. More to the point, I know I hurt several badly by my actions and I’ve regretted it over the years. Keep in mind these are not people who deserved bad treatment or anything; in all cases my behavior was a result of my own screwed up self. Mostly I drifted away from them after my not so good treatment because of normal life—I got out of the Army or I moved away or whatever.
But I’ve ended up reconnecting with a couple of them through Facebook, and I’ve had a chance to apologize for my behavior and how I acted, no excuses, no justifications, just the apology and a request for forgiveness. In all three cases, it’s been graciously forthcoming which while not entirely unexpected is still pretty nice.
So in addition to getting to find out the rest of the stories of people I didn’t behave badly with, I’ve also been able to make amends with a few that I didn't do so well with (man, that was an awkward sentence). That’s not half bad for social media.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Cash rules
I read several personal finance blogs and have read more than a few books about personal finance and budgeting and money management in general. Most tend to believe that paying cash for a car is the way to go.
I never thought that was something I could do, that I would actually be able to save enough money to pay for a new car outright with cash. And it's not like I buy cars frequently. I average nine years of ownership over the last three cars (previous cars got sold earlier because of international moves so they sort of don't count). But I still didn't think I could do it.
Yes, yes, of course the point of this post is that I did do it. I did it yesterday and used my debit card to pay for my car. That part just amuses me to no end. I traded in my 2002 Honda CR-V for a 2010 Honda Fit. The CR-V made a lot of sense in the Midwest with wider roads and roomier parking places. The Fit should do well for us here in Boston and still be a good cargo hauler. I picked silver because it doesn't show the dirt as much.
I never thought that was something I could do, that I would actually be able to save enough money to pay for a new car outright with cash. And it's not like I buy cars frequently. I average nine years of ownership over the last three cars (previous cars got sold earlier because of international moves so they sort of don't count). But I still didn't think I could do it.
Yes, yes, of course the point of this post is that I did do it. I did it yesterday and used my debit card to pay for my car. That part just amuses me to no end. I traded in my 2002 Honda CR-V for a 2010 Honda Fit. The CR-V made a lot of sense in the Midwest with wider roads and roomier parking places. The Fit should do well for us here in Boston and still be a good cargo hauler. I picked silver because it doesn't show the dirt as much.
Monday, March 28, 2011
LOL as a weapon
I’m not a passive-aggressive woman; in fact, I err on the side of bluntness. Don’t think I’m bragging about it either, because I’m not. The bluntness along with my marked lack of patience are my two biggest character flaws.
But I know and/or work with a few passive-aggressive people and noticed a trait they all seem to share—they use “humor” after saying something fairly confrontational or nasty or aggressive. Take your pick on the motive because I’ve seen all three in recent conversations. I put the word humor in quotations marks because it’s clear from the context that they aren’t actually kidding, nor are they trying to be funny.
This happens the most in emails or online. These folks can’t come straight out and say what’s on their mind without adding in the fake LOL.
I get that people can be uncomfortable with confrontation and I don’t go looking for it myself. But when I see the fake LOL, I tend to discount whatever was said entirely, sort of a la-la-la can't HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR you!
I’d far rather someone be slightly rude than use fake humor.
But I know and/or work with a few passive-aggressive people and noticed a trait they all seem to share—they use “humor” after saying something fairly confrontational or nasty or aggressive. Take your pick on the motive because I’ve seen all three in recent conversations. I put the word humor in quotations marks because it’s clear from the context that they aren’t actually kidding, nor are they trying to be funny.
This happens the most in emails or online. These folks can’t come straight out and say what’s on their mind without adding in the fake LOL.
I get that people can be uncomfortable with confrontation and I don’t go looking for it myself. But when I see the fake LOL, I tend to discount whatever was said entirely, sort of a la-la-la can't HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR you!
I’d far rather someone be slightly rude than use fake humor.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Stuff
I’m not actually a minimalist
Although I can see why someone might think otherwise, given my tendency to purge my belongings. But I’m not interested in owning just 10 or 20 items of clothes, you’ll never find just one pair of shoes in my closet or just one purse and I like art on my walls and color all around. But I detest clutter and disorganization. When things get cluttered and disorganized, then I feel out of control in my own home.
Kent and I send each other links to interesting articles all the time. This week I sent him an article by miss minimalist about the concept of of areté, a Greek word for excellence; I've translated that in my mind to the notion of quality over quantity in all your belongings.
He sent me an article by Marc Gunther that looked at something called the Veridian; this article took the last Veridian note and considered the relationship we have with our things and why that’s so. The two articles sparked a really good discussion yesterday, sort of a philosophy of belongings conversation.
(I will say that Marc Gunther is clearly very involved in the the green movement and I'm not, so I found the first few paragraphs fluffy and I didn't get interested until he moved on to talking about the article The Last Veridian—however he did a great job pulling out the good stuff from there. I tried to read the original article and had to stop.)
I dislike using the word mindful because it smacks of eastern mysticism which I do not believe in and don’t follow, not in yoga and not in anything, but the word sort of works here. Kent and I want to deliberately choose to own our possessions and neither of us wants them to own us.
When I settle for something and it’s not exactly what I really wanted and needed, then it becomes a source of frustration and clutter—like the near misses in my closet; they hang there mocking me. I’ve seen Kent go through the same thing when he’s gotten a tool for home repair and it wasn’t really the one he knew he needed but what he needed wasn’t available.
I foresee a new round of purging for us, using the four categories mentioned in the second article.
Although I can see why someone might think otherwise, given my tendency to purge my belongings. But I’m not interested in owning just 10 or 20 items of clothes, you’ll never find just one pair of shoes in my closet or just one purse and I like art on my walls and color all around. But I detest clutter and disorganization. When things get cluttered and disorganized, then I feel out of control in my own home.
Kent and I send each other links to interesting articles all the time. This week I sent him an article by miss minimalist about the concept of of areté, a Greek word for excellence; I've translated that in my mind to the notion of quality over quantity in all your belongings.
He sent me an article by Marc Gunther that looked at something called the Veridian; this article took the last Veridian note and considered the relationship we have with our things and why that’s so. The two articles sparked a really good discussion yesterday, sort of a philosophy of belongings conversation.
(I will say that Marc Gunther is clearly very involved in the the green movement and I'm not, so I found the first few paragraphs fluffy and I didn't get interested until he moved on to talking about the article The Last Veridian—however he did a great job pulling out the good stuff from there. I tried to read the original article and had to stop.)
I dislike using the word mindful because it smacks of eastern mysticism which I do not believe in and don’t follow, not in yoga and not in anything, but the word sort of works here. Kent and I want to deliberately choose to own our possessions and neither of us wants them to own us.
When I settle for something and it’s not exactly what I really wanted and needed, then it becomes a source of frustration and clutter—like the near misses in my closet; they hang there mocking me. I’ve seen Kent go through the same thing when he’s gotten a tool for home repair and it wasn’t really the one he knew he needed but what he needed wasn’t available.
I foresee a new round of purging for us, using the four categories mentioned in the second article.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Book report
So the IFBC has finished one book, and we are busy reading the next. But I’m still thinking about our reviews and how we expressed our opinions—frankly I’m sitting here wondering how to go about saying what I liked and didn’t like without turning the discussion into a slam of someone else’s taste in books.
Let me explain.
I took a grad level essay writing class as an undergraduate, and I was one of maybe three undergrads in the class. The rest were all on the Ph.D. trail; most took the class for fun. We read several collections of essays, discussed the essays themselves thoroughly and also talked about the forms essays took. Don’t ask me to recall any of that, because I took the class 10 years ago and don’t remember.
What I do remember is that we wrote essays all the time and we all got reviewed at least once that semester by the class. Those reviews were brutal, but not for the reasons I expected. I thought we’d be critiquing the writing style and offering suggestions for improving the form of the essay but nope, that’s not what happened at all. Instead the class generally tore apart the idea of the essay and did so viciously. That seemed like dirty pool to me and really inappropriate but that’s what happened.
I’m not saying we tore apart Lemming personally over her book. But I think I need to find a better way to share what I liked and didn’t like without veering into something that may be interpreted as a personal slam.
Let me explain.
I took a grad level essay writing class as an undergraduate, and I was one of maybe three undergrads in the class. The rest were all on the Ph.D. trail; most took the class for fun. We read several collections of essays, discussed the essays themselves thoroughly and also talked about the forms essays took. Don’t ask me to recall any of that, because I took the class 10 years ago and don’t remember.
What I do remember is that we wrote essays all the time and we all got reviewed at least once that semester by the class. Those reviews were brutal, but not for the reasons I expected. I thought we’d be critiquing the writing style and offering suggestions for improving the form of the essay but nope, that’s not what happened at all. Instead the class generally tore apart the idea of the essay and did so viciously. That seemed like dirty pool to me and really inappropriate but that’s what happened.
I’m not saying we tore apart Lemming personally over her book. But I think I need to find a better way to share what I liked and didn’t like without veering into something that may be interpreted as a personal slam.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
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