Today is the second anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis, which is also the second cancer I've been diagnosed with. I remember dates like these, not to live in a mud puddle or focus on bad things but as a way to honor the trauma I've come through, and just as importantly to normalize having things like this happen.
There's a real tendency not to talk about what it's like to get cancer, or break a bone, or live through a flood, or survive childhood sexual abuse, or menopause or (fill in the blank). I find it comforting when I hear from someone else who's walked the path I'm on and so I do the same for others.
Breast cancer was different from the first cancer diagnosis, and not just because it involved more treatment. There was also the whole OMG BREAST CANCER response from so many people, and the huge disparity in the amount of support available compared to melanoma (which was . . . basically nothing).
Breast cancer also brought more trauma associated with my childhood abuse, which OK that makes a weird sort of sense since some nasty things were done to my breast. Going back to therapy, doing the entire Cognitive Process Therapy was hard so if you are there now, please know it's not your imagination. That stuff is hard.
And the lingering effects of radiation on my running, and the way my bones are just shit now, that's been hard too. After doing all the so-called right things in terms of food and weight bearing exercise, to have my bones just break was a real blow. So if you're there too, you're not alone.
2 comments:
I am super proud of you and what you've done over the past two years. Not because your "a survivor", but because you did the work. There were days and weeks when it was hard and you did the work anyway. Days and weeks when the payoff was insufficient for the amount of work you put in, but you did the work anyway. It leaves me constantly in awe.
You've certainly done a lot of work because if you hadn't mentioned your childhood trauma, I'd never know it happened. Yay for the second year past diagnosis, but boo for the side effects of the treatment. You are so strong--just keep moving forward!
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