Wednesday I realized that I always close my eyes during my radiation treatments. So that day, I kept my eyes open.
I realized that closing my eyes was an almost instinctive thing, as though I were protecting my eyes. Which is silly for two reasons—first, the radiation isn’t aimed at my face. Second, even if it were, my eye lids wouldn’t keep it out anyway.
And yet I closed my eyes again yesterday and probably will for the remaining treatments.
I use the relative dark to feel my heartbeat and wait for the voice to tell me to “take a deep breath in and hold it.” I inhale through my nose (that’s the correct way for this deep inspirational breath) and expand my belly and rib cage up and out.
Then I count my heart beats as the machine makes a slight buzzing sound. I think that sound is on purpose, an auditory cue that yes, I’m getting radiated. I usually count to about 23 to 25, depending on my heart rate. The buzzing noise stops, the voice says “breath” and then the machine makes whirly noises as it’s moved to the second position. My eyes are still shut as I hear “take a deep breath and hold it” again, again I count my heart beats, listen to the buzzy noise until it stops, and I hear “breathe.” I exhale and open my eyes and that’s another day closer to being done with this part of my breast cancer treatment.
I realized that closing my eyes was an almost instinctive thing, as though I were protecting my eyes. Which is silly for two reasons—first, the radiation isn’t aimed at my face. Second, even if it were, my eye lids wouldn’t keep it out anyway.
And yet I closed my eyes again yesterday and probably will for the remaining treatments.
I use the relative dark to feel my heartbeat and wait for the voice to tell me to “take a deep breath in and hold it.” I inhale through my nose (that’s the correct way for this deep inspirational breath) and expand my belly and rib cage up and out.
Then I count my heart beats as the machine makes a slight buzzing sound. I think that sound is on purpose, an auditory cue that yes, I’m getting radiated. I usually count to about 23 to 25, depending on my heart rate. The buzzing noise stops, the voice says “breath” and then the machine makes whirly noises as it’s moved to the second position. My eyes are still shut as I hear “take a deep breath and hold it” again, again I count my heart beats, listen to the buzzy noise until it stops, and I hear “breathe.” I exhale and open my eyes and that’s another day closer to being done with this part of my breast cancer treatment.
2 comments:
I would close my eyes. And breathe.
Relaxation essentials for me: breathe and close my eyes. Seems you’re doing it just right.
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