Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Day 12

Shortly after we divorced, my ex married a woman who’d also been married before and had some children. I had no idea what to expect as this was uncharted territory for me, but I needn’t have worried. She wasn’t at all interested in having bitterness or animosity between the two of them and me. She thought that the idea of family could transcend the traditional structure and that really, kids can’t have too many adults in their lives loving them.

I agreed with her entirely, and so we began an unusual friendship – I say unusual only because of the reactions we would get as we all sat together at concerts or plays, or I came over to their house. People were flabbergasted and thought that I should hate her or she should resent me or there should be all kinds of drama in our lives over this new blended family structure.But that’s not how it played out.

She coined a term for us: wives-in-law. She said she disliked the hierarchical nature of first and second wives and thought her term more appropriately described us. She was right, it did and I was glad to call her my wife-in-law.

Over the years, she’s always been great with my kids. I know if you were to ask her she would not call them stepsons at all but sons. I’m fine with that because really, kids can’t have too many adults loving them.

Sadly, she and my ex are in the process of splitting up. Technically I guess that would make her my ex-wife-in-law. I won’t call her that though. She’ll always be my wife-in-law.

R – I’m grateful for you today.


peachykeen said...

I think you both are very gracious, respectful and loving women - your boys are lucky to have both of you as their mom! Sorry to hear about R&R!

Magpie said...

all those ex-step relatives make for complicated family trees. :)

i have some - an ex-step-brother-in-law for one. he used to be married to my dead step sister.

kittiesx3 said...

I like to describe my family tree as being more of a spider web.