Friday, February 24, 2012

Normalizer or awfulizer?

With thanks to my friend, Joy, for the term awfulizer . . .

I know a few awfulizers. Headaches are signs of brain cancer, lumps are other kinds of cancers, any forgotten detail means we have Alzheimer's, we’re all going to get laid off, the world is ending—I’m sure you know some awfulizers, too. Maybe you are one.

Not me, all my life I’ve been a normalizer—whatever is going on with me is normal, nothing is wrong, I’m fine and everything will work out. Usually I’m right, but sometimes I’m drastically wrong. When talking through this with Kent last night, he immediately reminded me of the scallops incident. He’s right, that’s a perfect example:
A few years back, my mother (an RN) was in town and took me, my brother and sister-in-law out to dinner at a nice restaurant. I ordered the scallops. When we were about halfway through dinner, I commented on how much I loved scallops even though I couldn’t really taste them once I’d eaten a couple, and wasn’t it weird how they make your mouth numb? My mother immediately told me to put my fork down right then and never eat scallops again. It had never occurred to me that my reaction wasn’t normal. I’m just lucky my airway didn’t close then.
I was diagnosed with asthma in my 20s while in the Army. I’ve basically ignored it ever since, and I’d decided surely I didn’t have any problems because I don’t wheeze. I didn’t know enough about asthma to understand that wheezing is just one symptom. Besides, I was a wind instrumentalist for decades and I've run most of my life too. How could I have asthma and do those things?

I got a wakeup call on Tuesday. As I wrote earlier this month, I’ve really struggled with breathing and with coughing ever since that pipe burst in January. So I went to the doctor on Tuesday; he ran a breathing test and I didn't do so well. In fact, my lung capacity was 50% of what it should be (his exact statement to me was that I had the lung capacity of an 84 year old). Boy, that got my attention.

I got some immediate treatment on the spot which improved things dramatically in the short term. I’m on some drugs to get me to the point where I can be on a long term care plan, and have a follow up appointment in a couple of weeks. I'm reading everything I can find about asthma from reputable sources, and I'm paying attention to my lungs now. I think I dodged a bullet.

I've also realized that normalizing everything is not any more effective or helpful than awfulizing things. So now I need to find that balance between the two. Don't expect me to turn into Chicken Little. But I probably need to back off the Orphan Annie routine just a bit.

4 comments:

Joybells said...

I agree! There's no point singing "Toooooooomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow!" if you don't actually make it to tomorrow.

I'm so glad you got the help and attention you needed, and that you're working on a plan.

sabrina said...

turns out i'm a normalizer too. when i finally went to the dr. in 2007 he said that i should have gone to the ER - it was that bad. the other random i've learned along the way - is don't try to ween yourself off the meds because you are feeling better...it's not a good idea. i learned that the hard way. hope you feel better soon!

kittiesx3 said...

Sabrina, your advice the other day helped a lot and I'm sure not stopping these meds till they're done. As you probably already guessed, I move to the inhaler version of them as soon as the pills are finished. Better living (and breathing) through chemistry!

Jeanne said...

Most women, I think, need to teach themselves to stop veering between awfulizer and normalizer...the truth is usually somewhere in between.