This whole post was sparked by my new job, where quite a few of the people I work with are from New Hampshire. They may have left briefly for college or been career military folks but they came back. They have a quiet sense of belonging there that’s not the same as what I’ve seen in the Midwest or even here in Boston. I’m not sure I can describe it very well except to say native Bostonians are positive they are the elite (which somewhat explains why the city called the Hub, as in the Hub of the universe). And Midwesterners are a little more ebullient about being from a place, especially if it happens to be either Lawrence or Manhattan, KS.
This notion of belonging is something I’ve thought about for most of my life because I’ve been such a nomad. As best I can recall, I moved 12 times before I graduated from high school—that’s assuming we lived in one place in Connecticut where I was born, and lived in just one house in Overland Park when my brother was born. As an adult and before marrying Kent, I lived in 21 different places. Since Kent and I married, I’ve lived in another six places. So if my sums are correct and I haven’t left any out, that means I’ve lived in 37 different places.
When asked where I’m from, I usually claim Philadelphia. I spent my summers there with my step-mother and father beginning when I was four and ending when I was 12. I returned there off and on in high school and once stationed in New Jersey, I drove down there a couple of times every month until I was transferred to Germany. More than any other house, that one remained a familiar constant to me. But the truth is I’m not really from there either.
It’s funny what makes us feel connected to a place. I lived in Cape Girardeau, Missouri for four years and I am not from there. My brother, who is just 11 months younger than I am, lived there five years and he’ll claim Cape. His sense of place may be also shaped by having moved to the Kansas City area in the mid-1980s where he’s lived ever since.
One thing our flood situation did for me was sharpen my definition of home. I used to think of home as being synonymous with where I lived. Now I think of home as being anywhere Kent, the kitties and I are together. Maybe that sense of home will replace my desire to be from someplace.
I had Kent read this and he pointed out that I define home as where people are because I’ve never had home mean a specific building. He also said (and he’s right on this one) that one of the reasons I purge my belongings a lot is because I’m always getting ready to move again.
4 comments:
I don't mind the question about where I'm "from" as much as I do the one about what I "do," but for many of us there's not one best answer.
I'm curious now about how you answer the "what do you do?" question. It's not always easy to answer that even in corporate America. And now that I think about it, I'm not sure how I would answer what YOU do.
My answer varies depending on who asks it--if I'm at Kenyon, I talk about what I do there. If I'm at a party unconnected with either campus, I try to guess which part of all the things I do my questioner would be interested in. I don't ever identify myself as a blogger or a housewife, even though they are things I do!
I read several posts, comments for all here. Thank you for so clearly explaining Bostonians which also explains the flavor of Stowe, VT. There may be mostly VT plates, followed by MA plates, visible when I get out of the house, and certainly it is an egocentric place. Fit in? They won't let you in. They will literally pull the chair out from under you (high school, my son).
So, out of my 16 places, I find Winter Park, FL the best. Looks like the northeast with the best of oak lined streets, garages in the front, lots of walking people out ALL year long. Home. Settled by New Yorkers like me, but a climate that encourages friendliness and relocated people who must be friendly, too.
I wish Kent the best. Concentrate on your good fortune and the timing. I constantly told my husband who was laid off after 20 years that it only took a second for things to turn around, each day for 365 days. It did and as you know, it will for Kent, too.
Now we just need to get the heck out of VT. I'm working on it harder than ever.
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