I learned on Wednesday that I wasn’t admitted to UMass Boston. As you can imagine that wasn’t a good day. In fact I was pretty bummed out about it. To make things worse, Kent was out of town all week so I didn’t even have him around for comfort.
Two things have really helped me move on. First, for Lent this year I didn’t give anything up, although I considered a couple of things (alcohol, chocolate, the usual suspects, even the internet). But giving something up didn’t feel right. I’m sure that sounds self-serving, but honestly I lead a pretty disciplined life so the giving up of things isn’t generally a sacrifice or a stretch for me. I didn’t think I would learn anything or get closer to God.
Lately I’ve been feeling like I box God in a lot, make Him a small god, lower case and all. But He’s not, He’s a BIG God. So what if I chose to live BIG and act as though I have a BIG God? That’s my Lent challenge and it’s been good for me, although not easy. Wednesday, I realized it’s not difficult to live large, to find the joy in life when things go well. But living large is a choice as is being happy. Wednesday I chose to live large, although I will tell you I didn’t feel all that large. Still, I took the baby steps and Thursday I did feel better.
The second thing that helped was the realization that all I got was one rejection from one state school that had a very strange application process. I have a friend who found out two weeks ago that she has Stage 4 breast cancer. My disappointment is minor compared to the situation she’s in—after al she is in a fight for her life. So the shift in perspective helped too. I’m disappointed but this rejection sure isn’t going to kill me.
Next steps? Well I’ll check out other schools and see what I can find. And chances are good that this pushes back a school start date by probably a year, which makes me cranky. I am not the world’s most patient woman. Maybe patience is the lesson for Lent next year.
2 comments:
::hugs tight:: I still firmly believe everything happens for a reason... maybe it wasnt the program for you. And honestly... when you talked about the interview - it sounded like they had already chosen their candidates for that year and were doing a 'token' interview.
Stay strong darling - thats the only way I know you!
You're the lady that told me not long ago that she believed our lives are what we make them. We choose to be happy and count our blessings......or not.
Count those blessings now. Kent, the kitties, your family, and all those that love you just the way you are both in real life and virtual life. There are a lot of us out there.
*hug*
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